tohma2004: (Sasuke EHH)
I swear..once you get sick, you're never allowed to be normal ever again. At least this shouldn't be anything major and I can handle taking a pill everyday if that is all it will take.

Got my CT scan results yesterday and they looked fine, but when they did my bloodwork the technician noticed that my Thyroid was low. He called me today and told me that he is going to run more bloodwork but I might have to come in and get more done but I won't know until Monday. He said that chemotheraphy and cancer treatments sometimes affect the Thyroid so that is doesn't produce the hormone like it should but sometimes it takes a few years for that side effect to actually make itself known. Well apparently its starting to make itself known. I don't know for sure yet, like I said I'll know more on Monday.

Getting ready for Animazement. I have a whole pile of stuff for the dealer's room table and have been so focused on that that I have almost completely ignored cosplay stuff. I have been working on remaking Fai's staff and I might just finish it in time. I hope so since I intended to compete with it.

AZ Cosplay list looks like this:

Friday AM: Sakura from Cardcaptor Sakura (prince version with Kiki as Syaoran)
Friday PM: Fai from Tsubasa (manga coat for 4:45 judging time)
Friday Late: Frau from 07-Ghost

Saturday AM: Frau from 07-Ghost maybe
Saturday PM: Syaoran from Tsubasa (for masquerade)
Saturday Late: ??

Sunday: Misaki from Junjou Romantica (for JR Panel)

I really do feel like I should have another costume in there but I just don't know how the dealer's room thing is going to go so I don't want to be running around trying to change costumes.

But yeah, thats what it looks like. Hope to see everyone there!

what a day

Mar. 22nd, 2010 10:08 pm
tohma2004: (Sasuke EHH)
Gah..its gone. Hurray for that but boy was today an event.

Got there at 9AM and went to get my bloodwork done. Of course they had to go through my arm which is always pretty tramatic. Well apparently today it was doubly so..because I passed out. One minute I was fine, the next I got lightheaded and the next thing I knew there were 4 nurses and my mother trying to revive me. I don't remember anything and I have no idea how long I was out. But it was long enough for them to go out to the waiting room, ask my mom if I was prone to seisures and have them bring her to the room I was in.

My hands were tingling when I finally came too..very slowly. They were fanning me and shaking me and apparently I was just very pale and my lips were white and I was just completely unresponsive. I'm going to blame the lack of sleep the last few days or con stress or something..

So after that adventure they put me in a wheelchair because I still wasn't all there and my mom pushed me to the radiology department where I was supposed to get the port taken out.

There, they told me that it would only take about 20 minutes and that I would be awake for the whole thing. They were just going to numb the area. Great. Thats..just great. So they start getting me ready and just as the doctor is about to start adding the numbing stuff (which I thought was a crema..but turned out to be MORE NEEDLES..yeah I was crying by this point). ANyway, before he could do that suddenly this huge lamp that was above me fell over and made this huge crash that brought these nurses running to my room. Luckily it didn't fall on me, but rather just behind the bed. I mean the thing was like..7 feet tall and probably heavy as hell because it took three of them to lift it back up into position. Once that was done they left again and the doctor once more tried to start.

Much pain and tears later and some slight hyperventalating because it just felt so damn weird and uncomfortable and the stiches were painful..it was done and they sent me on my way, now in pain and looking like a complete wreck.

My parents took me to O'Charleys where my mom gave me some aspirin for the pain because I burst into tears again in the car because it hurt so much. Then we went to Best buy and I bought Naruto dvds and Repo and Ghostbusters to make me feel a little better and because we had a coupon.

Then we came home and I took more aspirin and just sat around until 6 when I went to the cancer Survivor dinner. I won a doorprize which was cool since I don't usually win doorprize type stuff.

And now it hurts again and I'll probably take even more aspirin and hope that I can even sleep tonight because I have to work the rest of the week.

But no more port. And there are lots of benefits to that and once I get over the fact that it hurts right now, I'll be happy.

Expect pics of the con later tonight as I get caught up with everything.

Still Good

Mar. 4th, 2010 09:13 pm
tohma2004: (Heh)
Got my results from my CT scan and all is well. But my stupid port hasn't been giving any blood so on Monday and today they had to take the blood out of my arm. UGGG. At least I refrained from kicking the CT machine when they stuck me.

I'm having the port removed on the 22nd. The monday after Momocon..so I guess I won't be staying too late on Sunday since I have to be at the hospitol at 9AM. I told my doctor I wanted it out before I lost Medicaid..which I am afraid is probably going to happen. And he agreed, might not have been happy about it because it has only been a year and technically its a 2 year relapse chance..but I can't take the chance of having to pay for the surgery out of pocket. So it's coming out. I'm kind of relieved about it..and kind of not. Because it means all bloodwork is going to come out of my arm from now on..and I so don't like that.

But I will no longer have an alien portal in my chest and I suppose that is a good thing. And as long as the cancer doesn't come back I don't need it anyway..so..here is hoping.

And that was my day. I also realized today just how much shit I have to get done by Momocon. Wheee...
tohma2004: (Teehee..Fai so silly)
Okay so an update on the whole Medicaid fiasco.

My doctor called me this morning. They apparently were also told about me not being covered. But apparently Medicaid will cover CT scans. So they are going to have me get a CT scan instead and if anything shows up on the scan that could be the cancer then Medicaid will pay for a PET scan. But my doctor said not to worry and to throw the appeal papers away and that Medicaid will still pay for my port flushes and whatnot.

So I'm waiting to hear when my CT scan will be and am no longer running around the house having a panic attack. Thank god for my doctor, that is all I can say. That place has saved my ass more times then I can count now. They know everything and I have never known a more helpful doctor's office. These people truly and honestly care more about the patients then the money.

So yes..I'm better now. Let's hope that is the last Medicaid scare I have for awhile.

FML X2

Feb. 23rd, 2010 01:06 am
tohma2004: (Glare - ANGRY NARUTO)
Seriously..everytime I think things are worked out as far as my medical expenses, something else pops up.

I have a PET scan Monday. No big deal, I get them every 3 months. Well today I got a letter from Medicaid in the mail. And it essentially said this:

Because you no longer have cancer, we aren't going to pay for your PET scans from this point on.

....WHAT!?!?! But but but..the doctor says I need to get those every 3 months to make sure the cancer hasn't come back. What good is Medicaid if you don't pay for my medical bills??

Um..$5000 PET scan...with no assistance..um, no thank you.

So I have 30 days to appeal the decision or am stuck paying my own medical bills. I'm going to take the letter to my cancer doctor and see what they say about it and if they have any suggestions. I'm also going to try and call my medicaid person.

It's bad enough I've been considering removing the port by May because I know Medicaid is going to stop covering me then..but to think I may have to pay this next PET scan out of pocket REALLY hurts. And if they dont' cover PET..does that mean they won't cover my port flushes and the surgery to remove the port and all that too? IF so..I'm so screwed.

GAH! WHY ME!?!
tohma2004: (Celebrate)
I am still cancer-free! The 3 month scan came back clean. He said there was a very small spot in one of my lungs that he is going to keep an eye on, but says it could be any number of things and that I shouldn't worry. So no worrying is what I am going to do!

And I realized that I have almost been cancer free for one whole year. My last treatment was the week of Christmas last year. So..I guess I really do have a lot to celebrate this season.

Someone asked me what I like/wanted for Christmas..and I really wasn't sure o_o I'm not asking for anything this year because beyond the normal anime DVDs I continue to accumulate..I really don't need anything.

I'll think on it more and I guess post a list. More for my own benefit then anyone elses XD
tohma2004: (Sasuke EHH)
So today was my 3 month scan. Won't know the results until Thursday though since that is when my doctor's appointment is. Doubt it will show any signs of the cancer since I have been feeling fine.

But yeah..totally passed out again when they injected me with the radioactive sugar. I think it is partially the fault of being stuck in the hand by a needle -_-

I got a new bag though. Its ninja turtles XD Have to replace my Tony Stewart one since he isn't in the Home Depot car anymore. Only took half the race season to do it.

Not much else exciting. Picked up some more stuff for my Transformers army cosplay XD I'm currently trying to make a ammo vest thing. but I has a gun XD

Current DragonCon list is: (subject to changes and additions)

Chuck Bartowski - Chuck
Cryptkeepr - Tales from the Crypt
Rorschach - Watchmen
Allen Walker - D.Grayman (maybe)
tohma2004: (Celebrate)
It has officially been a year. Hard to believe that just 365 days ago I was so sick I could hardly move. That I spent many nights without sleep drenched in sweat, and spent many days alseep in the chair with no energy.

June 19, 2008 - Went to the doctor and they discovered the enlarge nodes in stomach
June 21, 2008 - Realized I would be going to cancer doctor
June 22, 2008 - Diagnosed with Hodgekin's Lymphoma Stage 3B
July 2, 2008 - In the hospitol having port put in
July 3, 2008 - My first Chemotherapy treatment

My how things change in a year. There were times I thought I would never make it. There were times when I was in so much pain all I could do was cry. There were times I wanted to do nothing but crawl into bed and never emerge again.

But I had you all to pull me through. The cards, the gifts, the food and well wishes, the thoughts, the prayers, all of it helped me to look forward to a time when I could say I was cancer free. On my darkest of days I would look in the mail and something would be there to bring me back up. To tell me there was someone out there that cared enough to write and wish me the best. I can't thank you all enough.

In 7 months I can celebrate being cancer free for a year. For now I will just celebrate the fact I wake up in the morning and can make it through an entire day without feeling sick and without pain.
tohma2004: (Sasuke EHH)
First: Happy Birthday Elke!
Thanks again for walking the relay with me ^^

Second: PET Scan today
Oh boy..talk about eventful. So I've been on this low carb diet since Saturday in prep for it. Apparently normal blood sugar levels are between 70-100. When they tested my blood today I was at 60. That should have been the first clue that things were going to be interesting...

So he injects me with the radioactive sugar and removes the needle from my hand (yeah we all know how I feel about that...) Anyway, last time I got light headed for a few minutes which is apparently not uncommon. Well that happened again this time..only it didn't stop at being light headed. My whole body went week and before I knew it I passed out...or I think I did. I could vaguely hear what was going on, but I couldn't move and I couldn't control my breathing which was loud and fast. I could hear it but couldn't do anything about it. The next thing I know a doctor is at my side and moving my shoulder and positioning my arms so they can hook me up to a blood preasure machine.

He asks me if I can hear him and I finally am able to open my eyes and respond. Apparently I was dehydrated and putting that with the low blood sugar and everything else made me pass out from the sugar. I had to chew on a sugar pill and two nurses got called in to hook me up to an IV. They kept monitoring my blood preasure and heart rate (both of which are really low normally but the doctor didn't know that so it concerned him until we told him that it was always under 100). Then I drank the two cups of MRI fluid stuff and when the IV was empty I was finally able to have my scan.

Don't know the results but I'm pretty confident that it will be clean. Doctor's appointment on Thursday to get the port flushed and find out the results I guess.

Oh and then we went to Olive Garden and I was looking over some images for a commission that I had to buy fabric for..and our waiter totally knew about anime o_o Apparently he had been Rock Lee for Halloween. XD

So yeah..exciting day o_o

EDIT: OH yeah, FMA contest at ACP. Vote for me XD!! Or Tess or Siev XD Yeah..why am I always in the contests that everyone I know is in? ^^;;
http://www.acparadise.com/ace/contests.php?cid=29

Finally

Feb. 5th, 2009 09:37 pm
tohma2004: (Celebrate)
I know this is like.. 3rd post today. But this is the entry I was afraid I'd never be able to write.

For some reason this week has been..unbelieveable. In a good way. Finally it seems like I have turned the dark corner and am walking once again in light. There are things that have happened this week that has once again given me faith and make me believe that everything is going to be alright. I actually felt the weight lifted from my shoulders.

No longer will I need to utter the word bankrupcy when talking about my financial future. I finally have that glimmer of hope and relief that I have been seaking for the last seven months. I'll explain..but I don't want to say too much. Too much has happened these last couple days and I don't want to jinx it until everything is confirmed.

No, I do not have a job, nor do I see one in the near future. We all whine about the economy being bad..and I can see it first hand as applications have gone out with no responce. But right now I don't have to worry so much about that because things are finally stable in my life.

And the best news of the week...I can finally say it...I can finally wear the t-hirt with the word written in bold on the back.


I am..a Survivor



The call came in around 3:30 PM today. The PET scan was clean. Those enlarged nodes are not active. The cancer appears to be gone. Right now I have entered into an observation period. In May I will receive another Scan. Scans every few months after that. And in two years the port can come out.

I am cancer free.

I can finally go on with my life.

For months I have endured, waiting for the chance to say that. And finally...finally i am free.

This will be a day I will not forget. So much has happened today..so much has happened this week. I have been dreading this week because of the scans and appointments...always fearing the worst, never dreaming so much good would come in one week.

Lately I have felt so...depressed...so unmotivated. I was lapsing into a pile of useless flesh, believing I would never be able to pull out of this slump. My father doesn't want to go back into full time work until after my May appointment. I can understand that and because of other events of this week, I don't want to jeopardize anything by plunging in too quickly and having it come back to bite me. I will go back to the restaurant and work part time. Regain my financial independence slowly.

Now I only have one fear...that this week will end and next week something will happen that will turn my world right back to where it was last week.

But for now I feel only happiness in my heart.
tohma2004: (Default)
Today was my PET scan. You would think that after seven months I would be used to the whole needle thing...yeah, no so much.

I had my port all numbed up and ready to go..only to find out they had to stick me in my hand. -_-' I was okay..I was shaking a little when he put it in and drew the blood. But the worst part was taking it out. She took it out and I got light headed and felt sick. They had me lean back and lay down for a few minutes.

The needle was in for all of about 15 minutes. All they had to do was take my blood to make sure my sugar levels were where they needed them, and to inject the radioactive sugar. Then they removed it and I had to sit there for an hour, drinking the ever so yummy Lemonade drink of death.

Then they came in and took me to the PET scanner. I was strapped down on a table and sent through the machine for about 20 minutes. And that was that. I was sent on my way. I won't know the results until probably Friday.

Then we went out and had lunch with Rayvah. We sat around O'Charleys for 3 1/2 hours talking XD Then we went over and had ice cream and Cold Stone for another hour. Fun times ^^

And that was my day. Came home and did some sewing and watched tv.
tohma2004: (Waiting for never)
I am NOT in remission. But that does not mean I still have cancer. Confused yet?

There are still some enlarged lymph nodes in my chest. They have to do a PET scan to see if those are active cancer cells or if it is just scar tissue from the cancer. Until they do the scan they can't say for sure whether or not I am in remission.

So on the 4th I will go for my scan. And a few days after that I will know what the verdict is. If they are cancer then I will not be going back into treatment.

Instead I will need a bone marrow transplant. Which could put me out of work for another few months.

The doctor seemed to think it was going to be scar tissue but he really can't be sure until they do this other type of scan.

So yeah...Good news yet..not quite what we were hoping. but still...good news.
tohma2004: (Genki on the outside)
I know I'm a few days late but since I was away to the frozen north I figure I am allowed to be late.

This year has been interesting..to say the least. When I began this year I was sick, but figured it was merely broncitis because that is what the doctor had told me. 2 conventions, a trip to Japan, and dozens of symptoms later I was diagnosed with the single most shocking news of my life.

Hodgekin's Lymphoma Stage 3B. Cancer.

Lets face it. No one saw it coming. I was sick. I fully admit that...but only six months earlier I had been told I had nothing but broncitis. I paid $160 to find this out and make it go away. That wrong diagnosis could have cost me my life. My own stubborn resolve to wait until I had insurance could have cost me my life. Had I waited even one month longer to go the doctor, I might not have been able to witness the ball drop for 2009.

This is easiest the lowest point of my entire life. No job. $100,000 in medical debt. A disease that could haunt me the rest of my life.

And yet through it all I have lifted my head up and smiled. Not because I'm a strong person. We all know that isn't true. But because I had strong people behind me to hold my head up for me. Friends to send cards, gifts, and well wishes. Doctors and nurses who wanted to see me beat this. A family that has taken days off to drive me to hundreds of appointments. Strangers who would donate to someone they didn't even know.

My memory isn't as good as it was before all this. I forget things I shouldn't, and sometimes the simpliest of tasks don't seem simple at all. But I will always, ALWAYS remember every single person who has helped me through this year.

I have seen more doctors, more nurses, more rooms in the hospitol then all the rest the days of my life combined. I have a huge scar on my chest and under my arm. A foreign object sticks out of my chest that has helped a poison save my life. The person in the mirror isn't the person I used to see and probably will never see again.

This year has been a test. Did I pass? I won't know for 14 more days.

Year in review LJ Meme )

I am physically better but perhaps a little more emotionally weaker. This year has taken its toll and 2009 doesn't really look to be starting much better...but I am still glad 08 is over.

Whenever I make a resolution I always break it...so I'm almost afraid to put this into writing. But for once in my life, I need to keep my resolutions.

1. Find a job that can support me, even if it isn't one I love. Despite all the support Mazzini's has given me during the year...I must motivate myself to move on.

2. Get in shape and get stronger again. I've become weaker and lazy because of it. My motivation is down. I need to push myself to get back to 100% health and try to stay healthy for years to come.

I am not officially a survivor yet. I will not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel until the doctor utters the words that I am cancer free. Until then I will continue as I have been. Sewing, sitting, wondering what the future holds.

The past held these cosplays. By con )

Thats it...I'm done. Goodbye 2008 and Good Riddence...
tohma2004: (Angst)
So today was the all important doctor's appointment/chemo day that would tell me how things were going. The results of the scan were in and it was time to either smile triumphantly or cry in a corner.

The results are in )

I have been trying to stay positive. My father put it this way: "At least now you won't have chemo on the week you go to AUSA possibly"

I guess that is looking on the bright side of things...
tohma2004: (Shame in a corner)
I think I shed more tears when a bill comes then I ever did when I found out I had cancer. It is seriously depressing to stare at the pages upon pages of numbers and realize you'll never be able to pull yourself out of the ocean of debt that keeps splashing over you.

I got a bill today..the big one..the one I was waiting for that would tell me how much all this treatment is really going to cost me.. To break it down it looks like this:

CHemo - $3700 every two weeks
Bloodwork - $400 every two weeks
Neulasta - $130 every two weeks

Multiply that by the 6 months of treatment I'll be recieving (at least): $51,000 just in treatment. That doesn't include the hospitol stay, the two surgeries (will be 3 when I have the port removed), MRIs, Lung Tests, Ultrasound, etc etc.

Now add the $800 a month in student loans and normal bills I have to pay each month. How do these people really expect you to survive without any help. I'm not working..I don't have insurance and at this point may never be eligible for it ever again, and I can't get Medicaid becaues I'm not disabled enough..what have I been doing so wrong all of my life? Who did I fuck over to deserve this?

Its not the disease or the treatment that makes you suffer...its the mental, emotional, and financial burden that trying to become healthy puts on you.
tohma2004: (still smiling...)
America's Got Talent )

Got my 6th round of chemotherapy today. Felt a little sick afterwards to I took a little nap. Might have also been because my appointment was at 8:40 in the morning and getting out of bed was not fun. Tomorrow I get my Neulasta shot and next week I get an MRI and my bloodwork done.

Originally my MRI was scheduled for Friday and I was like...oooh shit..please tell me they can change it. And they did so now I go on Tuesday to see how much cancer is actually left in my body. Everybody think good thoughts.

Cosplay progress is slow, especially since I can't work on my resin stuff while it is raining. I could haul it all to the barn but there is so much dust and stuff and the lighting isn't that good and I'd much rather sit on the ground to work with this stuff. Did I mention I was playing with fiberglass? Yeah..well needless to say that was an interesting experience...certanly didn't expect the form to melt underneath it >_> Props can be so frustrating sometimes.

I need only a foot more a trim for Secret #2 and yet...I have to drive an hour to get it. Grrrr. Stupid walmart getting rid of their sewing stuff..very inconvenient. Secret #1 is done except for my fiberglass prop and some touchup on the outfit. AUSA Secret isn't even started XD The wig..is daunting..the outfit turning out to be more difficult then anticipated. Goodwill is not cooperating in the jacket department. Halloween Secret..still no progress even though all the pieces are laying in a bag under the desk.

NEKOCON PEEPS. I need a stage ninja for my skit. Any takers? You'll need to help cary the set onto the stage and then help distribute props through it....oh and you will also have to dance briefly XD This skit is also a secret except to those involved.

it occurred to me the other day that ireally don't have much time between the next three cons. I'm like oh shitballs. Luckily I don't have anything new for Nekocon, I just have to fix up my skit outfit for craftsmanship and remake my jogging suit Fai (anyone want to join me in this? Right now its just me and Yuuko I believe..maybe Sakura?)...and only one new outfit for AUSA. it won't be that bad..just need to get motivated past juts AWA stuff.

Speaking of AWA Costume progress )

Chemo #5

Aug. 29th, 2008 12:19 am
tohma2004: (Hug)
Thank you to everyone for your support with my last entry. I'm not any less angry then I was about the situation but thats going to take quite a bit to get over, especially when I probably haven't heard the last of it.

I basically told my parents today that I am going to conventions whether they want me to go or not. Or rather I told my mom. I don't think my father has a problem with it. His main concern is actually the transportation to and from the convention...and even I have this same concern. Six hours is a long drive and chances are I would be making it alone and since I have to no idea how my body will react day to day..just makes me a little nervous is all. but yeah..if I can get there I will be there. thats AWA, AUSA, Nekocon that I'm thinking of. One a month for the next three months. biggest hurdle will be AUSA since it will fall on a chemo week, which means I'll be getting my oh so awful Neulasta shot that makes me feel not so good.

Anyway..it was an intersting chemo day. Chills, Burns and Tingling )

Rained again today but it is supposed to clear up tomorrow. I get my Neulasta shot around noon.

A Good Day

Jul. 30th, 2008 09:33 pm
tohma2004: (Celebrate)
Went to my third chemotheraphy treatment today. And what did I learn? That i'm doing well. all tests are good. And after discussions with my dad I'm about 90% POSITIVE that I'm GOING to OTAKON. *cough* But I'd rather not jinx it just yet. Need to have good bloodwork next Wednesday but today the doctor said that I am healthy enough to do whatever I want. Go to the mall, movies, out to eat, etc. WHOOHOO

And I didn't even feel the needle go in today. I apparently got the numbing cream on early enough and in the right spot because she stuck that needle in and I didn't even notice. So WHOOHOO X2!

I baked cookies today for the first time. Chocolete chip. They actually turned out really well and I cooked them from scratch *gasp*

As far as Otakon i will have to still be careful. I have to stay away from anyone that I know is sick. I have to stay out of overlly crowded areas (So no rushing to the dealer's room as soon as it opens and CERTAINLY avoiding the food court at the mall.). And wearing a mask in certain areas (such as the dealers room). And not spending too much time in the sun or wearing costumes that are overally exhausting. etc. etc. etc.

So...costume schedules? TELL ME THEM NOW ^_^ You know...just in case...

no tears

Jul. 18th, 2008 11:02 pm
tohma2004: (Heh)
Ha! I didn't cry. I may have crushed my father's fingers, but I didn't cry. I can call that a small victory on my part. I got a shot in the arm and no tears were shed.

Okay..so it took psyching myself up for it the entire night before and morning of..but damnit it is progress.

So yeah, that was my day. A shot in the arm to raise my white blood cell count. It was supposed to make my bones hurt..but it hasn't yet and I'm hoping that it doesn't because having my entire body hurt from my ribs to my legs..really doesn't sound like much fun. So I'm hoping I have once again avoided a nasty side effect.

Tomorrow I am going to try and ride..that is if I don't hurt from head to toe.
tohma2004: (Waiting for never)
With the nearing of the second X-files movie I am once again reminded of all those classic Mulder quotes that I used to love.

"Everybody Lies"

When I was given the port I was told I would never have to go through the pain or panic of having a needle put into my arm. Last week they took blood from my arm because they said the port was too new and it would probably hurt more to do it like that. Today I was told that I would need a shot in the ARM that would raise my white blood count. Okay, yes I'm glad I'll be getting something that will help me fight off nasty death causing deseases. But for crying out loud, couldn't they have refrained from getting my hopes up in the beginning? Cause I really don't see an end to this at all.

I have 4 doctors appointments in the next 2 weeks. Tomorrow, a shot to increase my WBC. Next week more blood tests to check my stats. The week after, retesting of my lungs and another session of chemotherapy. Is my life nothing but sitting at home watching Law & Order and doctor's appointments now?

Chemo session #2 )

Yeah..I'm just kinda miserable right now but its okay. Just need a few days and my normal mood will return. I'll just keep working on Syaoran and hope for the best.

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