tohma2004: (Genki on the outside)
I know I'm a few days late but since I was away to the frozen north I figure I am allowed to be late.

This year has been say the least. When I began this year I was sick, but figured it was merely broncitis because that is what the doctor had told me. 2 conventions, a trip to Japan, and dozens of symptoms later I was diagnosed with the single most shocking news of my life.

Hodgekin's Lymphoma Stage 3B. Cancer.

Lets face it. No one saw it coming. I was sick. I fully admit that...but only six months earlier I had been told I had nothing but broncitis. I paid $160 to find this out and make it go away. That wrong diagnosis could have cost me my life. My own stubborn resolve to wait until I had insurance could have cost me my life. Had I waited even one month longer to go the doctor, I might not have been able to witness the ball drop for 2009.

This is easiest the lowest point of my entire life. No job. $100,000 in medical debt. A disease that could haunt me the rest of my life.

And yet through it all I have lifted my head up and smiled. Not because I'm a strong person. We all know that isn't true. But because I had strong people behind me to hold my head up for me. Friends to send cards, gifts, and well wishes. Doctors and nurses who wanted to see me beat this. A family that has taken days off to drive me to hundreds of appointments. Strangers who would donate to someone they didn't even know.

My memory isn't as good as it was before all this. I forget things I shouldn't, and sometimes the simpliest of tasks don't seem simple at all. But I will always, ALWAYS remember every single person who has helped me through this year.

I have seen more doctors, more nurses, more rooms in the hospitol then all the rest the days of my life combined. I have a huge scar on my chest and under my arm. A foreign object sticks out of my chest that has helped a poison save my life. The person in the mirror isn't the person I used to see and probably will never see again.

This year has been a test. Did I pass? I won't know for 14 more days.

Year in review LJ Meme )

I am physically better but perhaps a little more emotionally weaker. This year has taken its toll and 2009 doesn't really look to be starting much better...but I am still glad 08 is over.

Whenever I make a resolution I always break I'm almost afraid to put this into writing. But for once in my life, I need to keep my resolutions.

1. Find a job that can support me, even if it isn't one I love. Despite all the support Mazzini's has given me during the year...I must motivate myself to move on.

2. Get in shape and get stronger again. I've become weaker and lazy because of it. My motivation is down. I need to push myself to get back to 100% health and try to stay healthy for years to come.

I am not officially a survivor yet. I will not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel until the doctor utters the words that I am cancer free. Until then I will continue as I have been. Sewing, sitting, wondering what the future holds.

The past held these cosplays. By con )

Thats it...I'm done. Goodbye 2008 and Good Riddence...


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January 2012

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