Killing me Slowly
Sep. 24th, 2008 11:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tohma2004So today was the all important doctor's appointment/chemo day that would tell me how things were going. The results of the scan were in and it was time to either smile triumphantly or cry in a corner.
My father went with me today since he wanted to hear first hand what the doctor had to say. Both of us were expecting good news since I had been feeling so well and seemed to be responding positively to the chemo.
My doctor was on vacation so a substitute from the Winston hospitol was there looking after things for him. He came in and did the normal routine of asking me questions, checking my lungs and lumph nodes, and making sure I wasn't feeling anything new.
And then came the results. This is how it went...
Doctor: The scan showed that all of the previously seen cancer cells are shrinking very well, even the ones in the liver. However, the scan showed something new in the lungs.
Panic began to set in. All I could think about was how my lung test on Monday was lower then last time.
Apparently they aren't exactly sure what is wrong with my lungs. It is either:
A) A new cancer developing in the lungs
B) The lungs being damaged by the chemo drugs
Because they don't know what it is I wasn't able to do my chemotherapy today. I'll be going to the city on Monday to speak with a lung specialist who will go over my scans and explain exactly what is going on.
This means that either I will have to go on a new set of drugs to fight the new cancer, will need new drugs because the other drugs are killing me, or will need to have a biopsy of my lungs to determine what is going on.
Why me?
So yes, the chemotherapy is killing the cancer cells in my lumph nodes...but it is also slowly killing me as well.
Unfortunety I won't know until Monday exactly what is going on and how they are going to attempt to treat it. But as of right now I can't continue my treatments. I'm praying they won't have to biopsy my lung because I really don't want to add another surgery tothe list of things I've had done to my body this year...but just going on different drugs means that I may have to start the whole process over again.
It means a whole new set of side effects. I could lose my hair yet. I cold become violently ill from the new drugs. They would be less effective then my current treatment and take longer to kill off the remaining (and new) cancer cells.
In other words...it wasn't a good day.
I have been trying to stay positive. My father put it this way: "At least now you won't have chemo on the week you go to AUSA possibly"
I guess that is looking on the bright side of things...
My father went with me today since he wanted to hear first hand what the doctor had to say. Both of us were expecting good news since I had been feeling so well and seemed to be responding positively to the chemo.
My doctor was on vacation so a substitute from the Winston hospitol was there looking after things for him. He came in and did the normal routine of asking me questions, checking my lungs and lumph nodes, and making sure I wasn't feeling anything new.
And then came the results. This is how it went...
Doctor: The scan showed that all of the previously seen cancer cells are shrinking very well, even the ones in the liver. However, the scan showed something new in the lungs.
Panic began to set in. All I could think about was how my lung test on Monday was lower then last time.
Apparently they aren't exactly sure what is wrong with my lungs. It is either:
A) A new cancer developing in the lungs
B) The lungs being damaged by the chemo drugs
Because they don't know what it is I wasn't able to do my chemotherapy today. I'll be going to the city on Monday to speak with a lung specialist who will go over my scans and explain exactly what is going on.
This means that either I will have to go on a new set of drugs to fight the new cancer, will need new drugs because the other drugs are killing me, or will need to have a biopsy of my lungs to determine what is going on.
Why me?
So yes, the chemotherapy is killing the cancer cells in my lumph nodes...but it is also slowly killing me as well.
Unfortunety I won't know until Monday exactly what is going on and how they are going to attempt to treat it. But as of right now I can't continue my treatments. I'm praying they won't have to biopsy my lung because I really don't want to add another surgery tothe list of things I've had done to my body this year...but just going on different drugs means that I may have to start the whole process over again.
It means a whole new set of side effects. I could lose my hair yet. I cold become violently ill from the new drugs. They would be less effective then my current treatment and take longer to kill off the remaining (and new) cancer cells.
In other words...it wasn't a good day.
I have been trying to stay positive. My father put it this way: "At least now you won't have chemo on the week you go to AUSA possibly"
I guess that is looking on the bright side of things...
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(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-25 04:55 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-25 05:24 am (UTC)I love love love love you. I am thinking of you and sending you tons of good vibes.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-25 11:33 am (UTC)At least you don't have a persistant rash on your feet.(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-25 01:12 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-25 01:31 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-25 01:57 pm (UTC)I'm thinking about you girl.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-25 02:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-25 10:55 pm (UTC)Anyway, I just wanted to comment and say that I hope everything works out for you. What you're going through is horrible and I'm so sorry for that. Like you said, try to stay positive and I'm sure everything will work out.
You'll be in both my thoughts and prayers.
*hugs*
(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-25 11:07 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-28 12:08 am (UTC)I love you. I hope you get better. I'm really glad you get to do what you love even though your body is trying to kick your ass. Be you, Tohma.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-29 06:14 am (UTC)