tohma2004 | Finally

I know this is like.. 3rd post today. But this is the entry I was afraid I'd never be able to write.

For some reason this week has been..unbelieveable. In a good way. Finally it seems like I have turned the dark corner and am walking once again in light. There are things that have happened this week that has once again given me faith and make me believe that everything is going to be alright. I actually felt the weight lifted from my shoulders.

No longer will I need to utter the word bankrupcy when talking about my financial future. I finally have that glimmer of hope and relief that I have been seaking for the last seven months. I'll explain..but I don't want to say too much. Too much has happened these last couple days and I don't want to jinx it until everything is confirmed.

No, I do not have a job, nor do I see one in the near future. We all whine about the economy being bad..and I can see it first hand as applications have gone out with no responce. But right now I don't have to worry so much about that because things are finally stable in my life.

And the best news of the week...I can finally say it...I can finally wear the t-hirt with the word written in bold on the back.

I am..a Survivor

The call came in around 3:30 PM today. The PET scan was clean. Those enlarged nodes are not active. The cancer appears to be gone. Right now I have entered into an observation period. In May I will receive another Scan. Scans every few months after that. And in two years the port can come out.

I am cancer free.

I can finally go on with my life.

For months I have endured, waiting for the chance to say that. And finally...finally i am free.

This will be a day I will not forget. So much has happened today..so much has happened this week. I have been dreading this week because of the scans and appointments...always fearing the worst, never dreaming so much good would come in one week.

Lately I have felt so...depressed...so unmotivated. I was lapsing into a pile of useless flesh, believing I would never be able to pull out of this slump. My father doesn't want to go back into full time work until after my May appointment. I can understand that and because of other events of this week, I don't want to jeopardize anything by plunging in too quickly and having it come back to bite me. I will go back to the restaurant and work part time. Regain my financial independence slowly.

Now I only have one fear...that this week will end and next week something will happen that will turn my world right back to where it was last week.

But for now I feel only happiness in my heart.