Rain

[tohma2004]

Its been raining pretty hard the last couple days. We've needed it. The pasture was pretty much dead from the severe lack of water it has been getting. The riding ring had cracks the ground was so hard. Hopefully this will help things out a little. I don't think the horses have appreciated all this water falling on their heads for the last two days though.

My parents want me to move out. Yeah, great thing to be told when I have no incoming income and can't get a job because I go to 2 doctor appointments a week on average. They say that I am not prepared to live on my own and so..they want me to do it. Great, easy for you to say..you have a job. I don't really understand what spurred this sudden need for me to move out. Perhaps it is the fact that I am pretty much forced to be home every day because of certain circumstances that I can't control. They are making it out like I asked to be stuck at home. NO ONE ASKS TO HAVE A LIFE THREATENING DISEASE THAT FORCES THEM TO BE HOME 24/7. GAH. Sorry..caps..but everytime they start saying I need to learn to cook, get ready to move out, blah blah blah I just freak out because it is all so overwhelmingly irritating and depressing.

If I could have a job..I would get a job. But seeing as I'm not allowed to be making any money whatsoever and I'm applying for disability because I can't fucking work because I have a fucking disease that sends me to money grubbing doctors every other fucking day...I really don't need the stress of them on my back about moving out. They never pushed this before, why the hell are they choosing now of all times to do it?

And the frustrating part of it all is I was so close to having that job...three days away from securing my place in the working class with a well paying, benefit filled occupation that I could be proud of...only to have it taken away by a doctor telling me the mass in my stomach was cancer. To have everything almost aligned into place only to have karma slap it just out of reach.

I just want them to stop...as if I wasn't in enough physical pain they have to go and add the emotional pain to it.

They want me to move out, yet any time I mention going to a convention I get shot down. Anytime I cough or sneeze my mom says in a very condesending manner, "Why don't you go to another convention now." Yet if I were living on my own, you better damn well believe that I would be going to every convention I could without even bothing to tell them I would be gone. Because that is where I am happy. That is where I find people who don't care what my job is or how I spend my time during the week. Its there that I have friends that don't care about money or whether I can cook or not.

Sorry for all this..its stupid. I go to chemo tomorrow. I get to sit around for three hours in a doctors office while life saving medicine gets pumped into my body. Three hours to ponder what I've done with my life that they are so desperately trying to save and to wonder what the future holds.

Comments

[drhikaru.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Oh darling. I'm sorry that you have to go through this additional stress combined with the other stress you don't want to deal with. *hugs hugs* If you ever want to talk. ..you can always talk to me. six-one-four two-seven-one four-two-six-four dear ♥

[utai-mitsumo.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

REIBAND♥TOHMA

[reiband.livejournal.com]

Dude, move out already. Who needs more emotional stress? Move in with me, now! It'll be totally sexy. :D
I'll cook for you every single day(unless I'm feeling lazy, then I'll buy you some McDonalds) and provide you with a large amount gay porn. And I won't care if you're going to a con. I'll probably care if you're not taking me with you but that's a totally different thing. xD
The only things I'll care about is if you're okay and if you can bring you-know-who with you. LMAO

[riventiana.livejournal.com]

Wow. I love your parents, but I can't believe they're even suggesting something like that to you right now. You can't even work. How does having to pay rent help at all? I'm thinking of you over here...hope things get better for you soon. *hugs*

[lostcatholic.livejournal.com]

Hon, you know you have freinds that arn't convention goers. I haven't been to a convention in over a year, and by god, I'm your freind, arn't I? You need to remember that you have lots of freinds willing to help. And not just convention freinds. You might want to stop going to conventions to save money. Since you don't have any. Just saying. After all, how much less expensive would it be for you to come and sit on our couch here in Florida?

[gallion-dlareth.livejournal.com]

There's an opening at my job. ^^; I worry about you working here, though, with your immune system. I worry about you working anywhere right now, honestly. I hate that they're on your case about this. No one in their right mind should be. I hope our visit didn't spur this sudden desire. -_-;

You are welcome with us at any time you should so wish to be. I understand the medicine/immune system drama. I had to stab myself yesterday and just got put on a new prescription. I go to a different doctor today. -_-

We have energetic kittens who like to play and love to love (mostly). I am the personal chef of the house and would make it my mission to cook you healthy, cancer-fighting meals every day. However, we are very far from your doctor, although very close to UVA.

Try not to let them get you down. This is a reflection of their own insecurity, not a reflection of you. You are a lovely, wonderful person that some bad stuff is happening to. You are not to blame for it. Never let them make you feel that you are.

You know the number. Give me a shout if you need to vent.

[tiffins.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Omg I can't believe they are saying that now. Its like why?! I mean I'm pretty sure they know you can't get a job because you said you were going 2 times a week to the doctors. But yeah dang man I can't believe they are suggestion it 0-0.

[satrugha.livejournal.com]

man if there were some way, we'd haul you out here and adopt you ♥

[yashakizu.livejournal.com]

*hugs tight* I'm so sorry to hear you have to go through all of this added stress that you don't need. We're always here listening if you need to rant again.

[susanrhapsody.livejournal.com]

Wow I'm behind. They've got to be kidding, right? It's just so unrealistic for you to move out now. I can see how this might have come up before, or after you're better - but not now. Sheesh. I'm having a hard enough time paying rent, and I've got an income. Silly parents. I can't imagine them pushing this issue much more, it just makes no sense.