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Everybody Lies
With the nearing of the second X-files movie I am once again reminded of all those classic Mulder quotes that I used to love.
"Everybody Lies"
When I was given the port I was told I would never have to go through the pain or panic of having a needle put into my arm. Last week they took blood from my arm because they said the port was too new and it would probably hurt more to do it like that. Today I was told that I would need a shot in the ARM that would raise my white blood count. Okay, yes I'm glad I'll be getting something that will help me fight off nasty death causing deseases. But for crying out loud, couldn't they have refrained from getting my hopes up in the beginning? Cause I really don't see an end to this at all.
I have 4 doctors appointments in the next 2 weeks. Tomorrow, a shot to increase my WBC. Next week more blood tests to check my stats. The week after, retesting of my lungs and another session of chemotherapy. Is my life nothing but sitting at home watching Law & Order and doctor's appointments now?
I went to the cancer center today to get my second ground of chemo. First they inserted the needle into my port. Okay, let me explain this. When you get a needle in the arm, it is there until they are done and I can feel it and agonize over it the entire time. With this, they ram this needle into the port and there is this intense pain but it goes away after its in. So its equal to a knife through the heart. It hurts for an instant but then you are dead and the feeling all goes away. I have to do this how many times!?! The numbing stuff they gave me is either useless or I did something wrong.
THey took some blood and ran the tests. Then the doctor came in and gave the bad news. My white blood cell count was reaching danger zone levels and it was best if I avoided anywhere public. I can't go out to eat. I can't go to the movie theater. I can't go shopping. IN other words, I become "bubble girl." I can't leave my house and do anything. Can anyone say Cabin fever? The worst part was my dad heard every word. And the thought in my mind "There goes all chances of Otakon..." Fear not though, I am still going to do whatever I can to convince him I am safe to go.
THen the worst news. He told me I had to come back tomorrow and get a shot that I was apparently supposed to get when I got out of the hospitol. And I'm supposed to be taking pills everyday that the hospitol told me I didn't need to be taking. AND he gave me a perscription for a pill to prevent nausea which costs $1000. ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS. WHAT!?! But he did say I didn't have to get it right away. To wait and see how the chemo affected me and whether I needed it or not. I'll tell you right now I'm not going to need some $1000 pill. I'll deal with the damn nausea.
Then I was put into the room to receive my treatment. Recliner, TV, Pepsi..yeah it wasn't so bad. Sat there for 2 hours watching old shows like Frasier, Will & Grace..until all my chemo was in my system. Then came the next rough part. Removal of the stiches. Most of them came out easily and i didn't feel it. But there were a few that had healed up and were rather painful coming out. More tears, more self loathing, more pain. But they are out and so thats one step closer to being healed.
So I got the dates of my next appointments and my father took me home where I enjoyed a stromboli from the italian place that he had gone to get since I'm not allowed to step foot in the place. We joked about how he was going to use plastic wrap to lock me in my room and keep out the germs. I'm not allowed to eat uncooked fruits and vegetables. I can't leave the house and for the next few days I'm going to be absolutely miserable as everyone else in the world gets to see The Dark Knight. (Though we might drive to Mt. Airy and see it at the drive in theatre. Won't be the same but at least I won't get sick and I'll get to see the movie)
Yeah..I'm just kinda miserable right now but its okay. Just need a few days and my normal mood will return. I'll just keep working on Syaoran and hope for the best.
"Everybody Lies"
When I was given the port I was told I would never have to go through the pain or panic of having a needle put into my arm. Last week they took blood from my arm because they said the port was too new and it would probably hurt more to do it like that. Today I was told that I would need a shot in the ARM that would raise my white blood count. Okay, yes I'm glad I'll be getting something that will help me fight off nasty death causing deseases. But for crying out loud, couldn't they have refrained from getting my hopes up in the beginning? Cause I really don't see an end to this at all.
I have 4 doctors appointments in the next 2 weeks. Tomorrow, a shot to increase my WBC. Next week more blood tests to check my stats. The week after, retesting of my lungs and another session of chemotherapy. Is my life nothing but sitting at home watching Law & Order and doctor's appointments now?
I went to the cancer center today to get my second ground of chemo. First they inserted the needle into my port. Okay, let me explain this. When you get a needle in the arm, it is there until they are done and I can feel it and agonize over it the entire time. With this, they ram this needle into the port and there is this intense pain but it goes away after its in. So its equal to a knife through the heart. It hurts for an instant but then you are dead and the feeling all goes away. I have to do this how many times!?! The numbing stuff they gave me is either useless or I did something wrong.
THey took some blood and ran the tests. Then the doctor came in and gave the bad news. My white blood cell count was reaching danger zone levels and it was best if I avoided anywhere public. I can't go out to eat. I can't go to the movie theater. I can't go shopping. IN other words, I become "bubble girl." I can't leave my house and do anything. Can anyone say Cabin fever? The worst part was my dad heard every word. And the thought in my mind "There goes all chances of Otakon..." Fear not though, I am still going to do whatever I can to convince him I am safe to go.
THen the worst news. He told me I had to come back tomorrow and get a shot that I was apparently supposed to get when I got out of the hospitol. And I'm supposed to be taking pills everyday that the hospitol told me I didn't need to be taking. AND he gave me a perscription for a pill to prevent nausea which costs $1000. ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS. WHAT!?! But he did say I didn't have to get it right away. To wait and see how the chemo affected me and whether I needed it or not. I'll tell you right now I'm not going to need some $1000 pill. I'll deal with the damn nausea.
Then I was put into the room to receive my treatment. Recliner, TV, Pepsi..yeah it wasn't so bad. Sat there for 2 hours watching old shows like Frasier, Will & Grace..until all my chemo was in my system. Then came the next rough part. Removal of the stiches. Most of them came out easily and i didn't feel it. But there were a few that had healed up and were rather painful coming out. More tears, more self loathing, more pain. But they are out and so thats one step closer to being healed.
So I got the dates of my next appointments and my father took me home where I enjoyed a stromboli from the italian place that he had gone to get since I'm not allowed to step foot in the place. We joked about how he was going to use plastic wrap to lock me in my room and keep out the germs. I'm not allowed to eat uncooked fruits and vegetables. I can't leave the house and for the next few days I'm going to be absolutely miserable as everyone else in the world gets to see The Dark Knight. (Though we might drive to Mt. Airy and see it at the drive in theatre. Won't be the same but at least I won't get sick and I'll get to see the movie)
Yeah..I'm just kinda miserable right now but its okay. Just need a few days and my normal mood will return. I'll just keep working on Syaoran and hope for the best.